Drink #33 Michelob Ultra

3.14.2012

There are moments–often during good action movies–when you can actually tell they’re using a body or stunt double for the lead and in that instant, it can completely pull you out of the movie.

Anyone that’s watched classic Star Trek knows what I’m talking about. Your next 10 minutes of viewing will consume you with trying to tell the difference between the main character and the double. Kirk. Kirk. Stunt Guy. Kirk. Stunt guy. Stunt guy. Kirk.

For the most part, it’s all necessary–but it’s distracting. It’s like Pop Chips. Have you ever had a Pop Chip? They’re alright. They’re better than a flavored rice cake, but they’re a far cry from a Lay’s Sour Cream & Onion. Still, people swear by them.

“Oh my god, they’re amazing. And you can have so many, they’re almost healthy for you!”

Um, what?

The problem with stunt doubles and baked multi-grain low-sodium chips is that while, sure they’re sometimes necessary or functional, they’re just not the real thing. They take you out of the moment or make you feel deprived in the very experience you’re supposed to feel like you’re splurging.

Last night I had a my first Michelob Ultra.

I was kinda surprised. It was super malty, kinda salty, only slightly sweet. Yeah, it was watery and overly carbonated–helping you feel fuller, I’m sure–but it was oddly rich in it’s toasty notes, with almost a bread crust like flavor. There was slight floral, slight licorice-like flavor in the finish.

I’ve only had a few light beers, but this was certainly the most flavorful. But even this virgin could tell it was a stunt double for a real beer.

“But Ben, if you didn’t know it was ‘light’ would you know the difference?”

Hm, maybe? Probably. Right out of the gate I could tell it was too watered down, too carbonated.

Oh sure, it’s real. Don’t get all whipped up. But just like a Pop Chip is actually, oddly crunchy in that stale styrofoam kinda way, the Michelob Ultra is tasty, tangy, almost rich, almost full flavored.

But it’s still lacking, still kinda faking it a little.

But that’s the point, right? It’s only 96 calories. A little more than half of a typical beer. So you an have two!

Really?

If I was seriously limiting myself, I’d have one solid, more robust, tastier beer and then a few glasses of water if I was still thirsty. Its not like 2 beers would get me drunk anyway–if that was the goal of 2 vs 1.

But, look, you’ve seen me. You know. I mean sure, I know how to diet. I know all about diet food. Oh hell, I might even enjoy a diet item on the occasion like celery with peanut butter or water with Kool-aid or cottage cheese with pork rinds.

I’m a fan of full flavor, back off. I love cake.

So while I absolutely respect Michelob Ultra and even kinda liked it, it’s not making it to my shopping list anytime soon.

I mean, where would I move all my milkshakes and Mt. Dew Code Red? No, I’m not buying a “stunt fridge”. As genius as that might sound.

Cheers, Ben


PS: We are only a week away from my charity Yappy Hour at the Blue Banana supporting The Washington Animal Rescue League on March 22nd! You and your dog are both welcome and DO NOT want to miss this event.

PPS: Tonight a new firstdrink and then it’s (empty the streets, call the cops) St. Patrick’s Day! A true drinking holiday sorry corned beef. And I’m still trying to figure out plans. Got any I should know about? Let me know.