11/18/2020

A compliment sends shivers down my spine
I pull away, tongue tied, defensive and rude
Asking you to take it back, that it’s unwelcome
That you’ve made two mistakes
But you double down, now three mistakes
Forcing a backstory, an unnecessary explanation
Making us both feel terrible
I was born without shame, I explain
That’s all you see, all you need to know
it’s essentially my unremarkable mutant power
But side effects may include perceived hubris
Self-esteem, and the notion that I believe my own bullshit
You pause in reply, dying to tell me I’m wrong
Wishing to explain how great I am in a new way
With new adjectives, examples, and facts
No, I know, I explain, I have my moments of insight
But they’re made of the thinnest glass
And if I press too hard, it won’t just shatter
But slice me to short, fat worthless ribbons
And I’ll bleed all over everything I love
While you lob accolade bombs for visual affect
So please just don’t, just let me be me
Who I am, now and again, while appreciated from afar
I know the proper response is just “thank you”
But my insecurities and anxieties always forget that part
One more example of how terrible I really am
I wish you would just silently understand
But never, ever acknowledge